VATICAN — The Holy See announced early on Wednesday that Michael J Lewis will be assigned as Vatican Grand Inquisitor, effective June 1, 2026. This comes in the wake of news that the Society of St. Pius X (SSPX) plans to consecrate new bishops without papal approval.

Lewis, known for his often controversial critiques of traditionalism, reacted to the news on Wednesday stating, “I was always the obvious choice for inquisitor.” Lewis went on to tell The Roman Collar that Cardinal Pierre first approached him about the position during a dinner on January 19. “He asked me while I had a mouth full of mashed potatoes, and I nearly spit them up all over the nuncio!”

Lewis says that he is looking ahead to his future responsibilities. “Many would think that the obvious first course (and I’m not talking about those potatoes) of action would be to take on the schismatic SSPX, but I actually have bigger fish to fry (mmmm fried fish!). Those blocked in my Twitter feed (I’m really not trying to make these puns) will be the first to be excommunicated!”

At press time, Lewis was trying on several large red robes and hats.