LOCAL — An investigative report by The Roman Caller found that you gave up the internet for Lent, but you’re reading this article. Sources claim that its only been four days into Lent, but you still just can’t help yourself but look at stuff on the internet.

When confronted about these allegations, you said mentally, “well, I only gave up some internet.” But our investigation found that when you were praying about this five days ago you said, “I will completely unplug during Lent and focus on me and my relationship with Jesus.” You did not respond for further comment.

Further damning allegations found that you gave up X (formerly Twitter) and news, and yet by reading this article, you have violated both of these resolutions.

This is a developing story.