VATICAN—Undersecretary for the Synod of Bishops, Sr. Nathalie Becquart, XMJC, took to social media on Monday to dismiss claims that Synodality is just one big money laundering scheme. This comes after a dossier was leaked to multiple mainstream and Catholic news outlets claiming fraud on a grand scale.

No one has ever seen the official numbers, but a Vatican source close to the author of the dossier told The Roman Caller, “the numbers are fuzzy. Hundreds of thousands of euros go towards seemingly meaningless things.” He added, “But I suppose Synodality is a meaningless term, so it’s a perfect crime.”

The dossier claimed that €10,000 went towards buying “reinforced plastic chairs.” €50,000 allegedly went to a “social media budget.”

“These items are understandable, considering how much they post on social media and sit in plastic chairs” claimed the dossier, “but it only scratches the surface of purchases that will require an independent audit.”

The largest ticket items in the dossier included a €1 million licensing fee for the “use of the infantile crayon font,” as well as a €2 million licensing budget for “late 20th century church music selections.”

Sr. Nathalie defended this herself, saying that each synodal session required the singing of only hymns composed between 1968 and 2005.

By far, the strangest claim in the dossier was the purchase of an €800,000 “pallet of hairspray” that purportedly had been banned in most countries for violating environmental regulations, particularly those regarding ozone-destroying aerosols. It is unclear whether this hairspray was allegedly used by Sr. Nathalie herself, as neither she nor the Synod has commented on the matter.

The focus in most reports, however, was on the biggest budget item in the dossier namely the sessions themselves. It was stated in our original report, released Thursday of last week, “The smoking gun of the whole dossier is the €5 million price tag attached to each session for the Synod on Synodality.”

Sr. Nathalie took to social media to defend the Synod, jumping straight to the accusation: “THE SYNOD IS NOT A MONEY LAUNDERING SCHEME,” she wrote, “EVERY CENT OF THAT €5 MILLION COMES FROM PRIVATE DONATIONS AND GOES TOWARDS THE EFFORTS OF FURTHERING THE SYNODAL JOURNEY IN WHICH WE ARE ALL WALKING.”

Sr. Nathalie turned comments off on the post after it amassed thirty thousand comments in an hour.

It is still unclear from the post on social media or the dossier itself what the money was being used for. More information is forthcoming.