VATICAN — “Chaos shall reign supreme.” Vatican Secretary of State, Cardinal Pietro Parolin told reporters Tuesday that “The Holy See has rejected President Trump’s offer to join the Board of Peace, due to its particular nature, which is different than other states, that is, absolute chaos and pandemonium.”

Parolin made this announcement at a summit with Italian Prime Minister, Giorgia Meloni to commemorate the anniversary of the Lateran Pacts.

When asked for clarification, Parolin said, “Is it not obvious? We do not desire peace. We want war. War.” The assistant priests surrounding the Cardinal then belted out “war! war! war!” over and over again for about 30 seconds.

“I find this board of peace to be abhorrent to my designs, which are destruction and consternation. Thus, I have elected to create and join my own league of nations—a league of doom known as the Board of Chaos.” When challenged by Meloni, who stated that no one would ever join such a board, Parolin replied saying, “Russia, Ukraine, Iran, and Sudan have already joined. Counting the Vatican, that’s five nations so far.” Meloni simply replied, “I will never join you… never.”

At press time, Cardinal Parolin was shredding the original copies of the Lateran Treaty and shouting “to war!” while Meloni watched unimpressed from the side of the stage.