LOCAL — Peggy Branson, age 52, has been in shambles since yesterday morning after learning the news that Pope Francis died April 21 of last year. Branson, who doesn’t really go to Church except on Christmas and Easter, was initially confused when the priest used quotes from Pope Leo XIV during his homily.

“I thought that maybe he was talking about some pope from 500 years ago, but I honestly wasn’t paying a lot of attention to the homily. My sister had just gotten into town and her grandkids were going to go Easter egg hunting around 10am in the local park, so I was checking my phone every 5 minutes to look at pictures of the cutie pies finding chocolate.”

The second clue was during the Eucharistic prayer when the priest said, “and Leo our pope.”

“I thought, ‘am I in the wrong church, or did Francis change his name, or am I just going crazy?’ I couldn’t hardly think of it because I’m still getting used to saying ‘and with your spirit,’ and that was taking up a good portion of my time and attention.”

But everything hit Branson all at once when the priest asked parishioners to “remember Pope Francis who died on Easter Monday last year” right before the final blessing. “I couldn’t believe it. Why did no one say anything? That’s shocking news, and the priest just seemed to glance over it. Does he even care?”

When pressed as to whether she had noticed anything at Christmas this past year, Branson told The Roman Caller, “Oh, I actually didn’t go to Christmas Mass this year. I was traveling to visit my other sister who lives in Rhode Island, and it was such a long trip that I basically crashed in the guest room on Christmas Eve. I normally go to the 3:30pm Christmas Eve anticipatory Mass back home, but I didn’t know the church in Smithfield, and I was tired.”

At press time, Branson was inquiring as to whether Benedict was coming out of retirement “if Leo doesn’t cut it.”